If you know my husband, you know how good he is to me. He is a loving husband and truly my best friend. He has been my sole support since we first started dating in 1995, when I was sixteen years old. For the last fifteen years he has been my whole world. He would truly do anything for me.
Three years ago, the desire to have another child began to rise up in me. I shrugged it off because neither of us are able to have children anymore. Day by day the desire grew and before long, having another baby was all I could think about.
One night during our "snuggle time" after we put our sons to bed I got the courage to confess how I felt to Joseph. "NO! I don't want anymore kids. I'm happy with the boys, we don't need anyone else. No." No? Did I hear you right no?! You never tell me no! Are you kidding me right now?! Irritated, I hugged my husband, kissed him on the cheek, said I love you and rolled over and went to sleep.
Noooooooo, it was like a broken record in my head. No, no, no, no... God please, please do something. Every couple of nights I'd bring it up and I'd get the same answer from him. I began to pray that God would remove the desire for another child from my heart. The more I prayed for the desire for another child to be removed from my heart, the stronger it got. It got to the point that I could no longer attend baby showers, I would fall apart and weep, not exactly the type of guest you want at a baby shower. And, wouldn't you know it, within my close group of friends and family members TEN of them were pregnant. Everyone was having a baby...everyone but me.
Days, turned into months and Joseph's answer was always no. I begged him to change his mind, teary and near hysterics at times and he always said no. I began to slip into a depression. How could the man that loved me so much cause me so much grief?! He finally one night after months of the same conversation said in exasperation, "I'm not going to change my mind, I don't want any more kids! It's not going to happen, now stop asking me." I cried myself to sleep that night.
Several more months had passed, as I lay on the couch reading my Bible I began to doze off. I was perfectly relaxed, and my quiet house became perfectly still. God was about to move. A peace came over me and I knew He was with me. I could feel the warmth of His embrace, and He whispered to my soul "I am going to give you another child." I smiled and thanked Him. I was afraid to tell Joseph what had happened so I prayed that God would make a way for me to tell him. I knew that I had to be patient and wait on the Lord to move. I didn't want to take control of the situation and be out of God's time. It was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do...I had to just let go and let God be God. After all, it was going to take a miracle to change Joseph's mind.
A couple of weeks later, as we lay in bed talking Joseph said, "You know, I think we should look into adoption again." I wanted to jump up and scream but I didn't. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I said, "Why don't you pray about it tonight, sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow." The next day I was afraid to ask, so very causally I said, "how'd you sleep?" He smiled and said, "Yes, I still want to." On February 10, 2010 we researched some adoption agencies. February 11, 2010 we made contact with Olive Crest and by June 27, 2010 our home study had been approved.
Now we are just waiting to be placed...the rest of this blog will deal with the up's and down's of our journey.
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