Don't understand....

I simply cannot understand why if there are kids waiting for a forever home, things take so long.  We've been matched with the girls as of 10/26/10 yet nothing seems to have gotten done!!  It seems to me that social workers have their own time.  We were supposed to have a meeting for the girls last Tuesday, then it was postponed until Thursday then it was changed to next Tuesday.  I'm praying that we the girls' social worker and our social worker actually get to have the meeting next Tuesday.  After that, if things go well we have a full disclosure meeting (who knows when that is going to happen).  At the full disclosure meeting if things go well we set up pre-placement visitation visits.  We really would love to have the girls be a part of our Thanksgiving.  God willing we'll have them by Christmas.  

So still more waiting...my friend is going through the same process and she said, "Welcome to fost-adopt," apparently this is how it goes. Such is life, I know it will be worth it in the end.

God's up to something....

On November 20th Joseph and I attended an adoption fair.  We weren't going to go, in fact we had agreed to not go.  I had envisioned desperate parents and sad children.  Uhhh yea, no thank you.  We didn't want to be among the desperately seeking spawn. 

Anyhow, on Wednesday we woke up and new that we were suppose to go.  Joseph asked his boss if he could leave early and to our surprise he said yes.  I got a sub for my class and off we went.

I laughed when we got there because I knew all of the kids by name....a sign that I had obviously spent way too much time on the adoptable children web-sites.  Prior to going to the fair, I had seen these two girls on Wednesday's Child and said to Joseph that I thought they were cute.  "Too old! No!" 

We met Rebecca and Amy, two very cute sisters (the same sisters I had shown Joseph the week before) at the fair.  Immediately I was drawn to them.  We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with the girls and getting to know them.

We submitted our match request and guess what we were matched!!!!  Joseph and I were together when we got the e-mail saying we were in a match with the girls.  We both cried. Well, I sobbed, tears just rolled down his eyes.

What's next?!  Waiting and more waiting!  Will keep you all posted!

Here's the girls:  http://wednesdayschild.adopt.org/node/1144

New Found Hobby!

So, in an attempt to get my mind off of things I joined a scrap booking forum and found myself to be much more knowledgeable than I had originally thought.  Which seems to be the story of my life.  I never give myself enough credit for what I can actually do! 

So this last week, I found myself on my community suggesting Cricut cartridges to people who needed specific fonts and had asked for help!!  I had an answer AND was able to give suggestions because, while I'm not an expert (yet) in all things Cricut I love my machine and use it all the time! 

Here's where my worlds collide...not by accident I'm sure but by the hand of God!! 

This week on 10/20 we went to an adoption fair.  At first we were not going to attend because I had mixed feelings about the event.  People like Joseph and me go to these types of events to meet adoptable kids.  And kids who are able to be adopted attend to scope out parents.

We met these two sisters who melted our hearts and took us by surprise!  Our home study is for a single girl, under the age of five.  These girls are thirteen and nine!!  WAY older than we thought we would consider.....but as you know, sometimes what we have planned and what God has planned aren't always the same!!

So, with my new found hobby in hand I set out to put together a mini scrap book that can sent to our prospective child/ren in the event that we are placed.....can you guess who I asked for help in trying to decided what I should have in this scrap book?  That's right!!  My new on-line community, even learned that this mini scrap book can be turned into what is called a "Life Book" for our adopted child/ren when we are finally able to adopt! 

Passing time

So, in my quest to become more techie I've joined an online forum for scrapbookers.  It's been really interesting thus far and found that even though I am relatively new to scrapbooking...I'm pretty good at it!  Not great, but pretty decent!  I thought that navigating the in's and out's of an online community would be hard but well, I must be pretty smart too because it wasn't. : )  Not that I'm well on the way to becoming a scrap-master scrapbooker, I'm feeling pretty confident.  Having a Cricut helps a little I'm sure! I answered some questions that people had and was pretty proud of myself for putting myself out there ya know?

This has been kind of a de-stresser for me because we haven't gotten anywhere with our adoption yet...no calls, no prospective children....n o t h i n g!!! 

If you're a scrapbooker check out this forum:
http://www.scrapbook.com/forums/index.php

Finally got it!

A person whom I respect very much and love even more was very real yesterday.  She will never know how much she means to me and to my family.  There aren't a lot of people who are real with me, you know.  People always tell you what you want to hear not what you need to hear.  Everyone is always so worried about hurting your feelings or offending you.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want people to be mean to one another but constructive truth is important in our Christian walk!  PP was so truthful that I was almost hurt.  I wasn't hurt though, just thankful and blessed by it. 

PP, spoke about understanding God's love.  She said that when you truly understand God's love you'll "get it."  The things that are making you worry or anxious won't be important because you can rest in His perfect plan for your life, in His unfailing love.  There is so much going on in my life that is making me anxious that I lost sight of that.  She said, that I if truly understood God's love I'd understand that He has a plan for me, for Isaiah, for our family.  I thought, "Hey!!!  I DO understand what God's love is like!  What are you talking about?!"  I love her so very much and thought that I should just take in her words and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it's truth to me.

Today, I have a greater peace than I've had in a long time.  I know that God has a perfect plan (Jeremiah 29:11) for me, for, Joseph, for Isaiah, for Ethan and for our daughter wherever she may be. 

Thanks PP for loving me enough to tell me the truth!! 

Nothing's Changed.......

This week was a rather quiet week!!  Nothing happened, well at least nothing in the natural.  No calls or e-mails from our social worker. Nothing, zero, zip, nada!  I think that's what makes this limbo so hard.  I know that Lori is busy, but I just wish she'd call or send me an e-mail to let me know that she hasn't heard anything.  Wishful thinking I'm sure.

I know God is working in the super-natural and that we won't always see what He's doing.  But, God is good and He is so faithful to remind us that He hasn't forgotten our silent prayers, or the longing of our hearts.

Last Sunday at church Bob L., held his hands out to me and in a very excited tone said, "you're almost due!" I teared up and thought, I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt, I must look pregnant!  I fought back the tears and said, "I'm not pregnant." and he said, "Not in the natural, Teresa...but your time is coming!" 

Thanks Jesus for the confirmation that you're working behind the scenes!  Thank you Bob L. for giving me a word of encouragement!!  So we wait and wait and wait some more.

One step forward, two steps back

This week has been quite the eventful one...we got a call from our social worker, she asked if we would like to be considered for two little girls, a two year old and a one year old.  I wanted to scream, "YES!!!!" But, instead, I calmly replied, "Let me run it by my husband first to see how he feels about two little girls.  I'll call you back in a few minutes."  I hung up the phone, said a quick prayer and called Joseph.  In my calmest, sweetest voice I proceeded to ask how his day was so far.  "Oh, Federal inspectors are there today?  They only visit every five years!  Wow, okay I'll pray for you guys....they are going to interview you on building codes? Oh, yeah?!  Well, I'll make something special for dinner tonight to celebrate how well you're going to do.  I know you'll great!  Ok, well I know you're busy now so I'll let you go.  Ok, Honey!  Have an amazing rest of the day!  I love you too!"  I hung up the phone, ughhhhh, dang it!  I didn't ask him, the truth is I already knew how Joseph felt about two, he didn't want two.  He only wanted one more!

A second later Joseph called me back and asked if I needed something.  "Well, actually yes, Lori called and asked if we would like to be considered for a two year old and a one year old.  What do you think?"  I hung up the phone very calmly even though wanted to scream...he said sure without any kind of hesitation.  THANK YOU JESUS! 

We're still waiting to hear from the placement worker of the two little girls to see if they would consider placing them in Southern California (they live in Sacramento).   We're praying that if our family is the "Forever Family" God has in mind for the girls that there forever family is just around the corner and that they will have a home for the holidays.


I'd like to say that things are getting easier and that waiting doesn't stink anymore but it does!  Some days are great while others are horrible!  Today we went to a baby shower for a friend of my husband's.  I cried on the way home...then I felt like a big jerk for not being happier for them.  I mean, not that I'm not happy for them.  It's just that baby showers have the ability to make me acutely aware of the fact that we are still waiting with no end date in mind.  Oh yea, In God's Perfect Time!  I get it God!   : )

Glimmer of Hope

On Wednesday, September 15th we had our first "Back to School Night" at Hemet High.  I carefully prepared my classroom and my presentations for the night.  I had been struggling for sometime with our adoption and not being placed yet.  I think in general, I had just been a little down about the whole situation.  Anyhow, I was presenting to my Yes I Can parents and mentioned to them that my husband and I are in the process of adoption.  I heard an "aww" but didn't think much of it.  After my presentation a parent came up to me and shared the adoption story of the student in my class (who happens to be really awesome).  It was really nice to hear that there are happy endings...  I went home feeling really positive and shared the story with Joseph.

Next day, on Thursday the social worker of a child that we were considering called me about "L" and we had to decline a match.  It wasn't a no from them but rather a no from us.  Hard none the less.  I did cry a little and prayed that this young lady would find her "forever home."

Waiting, waiting, waiting, more patiently these days.  I don't feel so stressed about the WHEN??!! 

A good friend of mine and a woman who is super awesome in every way once told me, "Don't focus on the unknowns, instead focus on what you do know.  God will never leave you or forsake you, He will always be with you, He is the Alpha and the Omega.  He has good in store for you..."  That is what I'm resting on.
Thanks Pastor Pam : )

Waiting and still waiting

On Monday I e-mailed our social worker about a little girl that that we were interested in.  She said that the little girl "N" had already been placed.  I asked about the other two little girls we had requested information about last week and she said that they had been placed with someone else too.  {sigh....}  Really?!

I know, I know in God's perfect time. 

I finally had a breakdown yesterday, after expressing my frustrations to our social workers supervisor. While I was supposed to be at a meeting for Back to School night, I sat in my office and sobbed.  This isn't fun.  I know it will be worth it, at least that's what we keep telling ourselves.  Someday, right?

God's working on our patience and endurance I suppose someday when we get our daughter those are characteristics that we will need to raise a teenage girl. 

This to shall pass.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Awesome!!!  I'm so excited for her!!!!  That's what I said today when my grandma shared that my cousin who is also growing her family through adoption was placed with a 14 day old little girl.  I sound genuinely excited and begin to offer my assistance in planning a baby shower.  A tear falls and I'm sure that my grandma thought that I was just a really sweet cousin....

What I really wanna do is sulk.  I can't help but wonder if God is listening to my prayers.  I mean He listens to His children doesn't He?!  Everyone I know is praying, even the boys pray for their sister everyday.  Every now and then they will ask "When is our sister going to come home?"  "I don't know, boys hopefully soon," is my usual reply.  Then I muster the best smile I can.

In His perfect time I say to myself, that somehow, doesn't make the pain of today go away. {sigh....}  Off to my quiet place, to seek His refuge and recharge for tomorrow.

A little bit of background...

If you know my husband, you know how good he is to me.  He is a loving husband and truly my best friend.  He has been my sole support since we first started dating in 1995, when I was sixteen years old.  For the last fifteen years he has been my whole world.  He would truly do anything for me. 
Three years ago, the desire to have another child began to rise up in me.  I shrugged it off because neither of us are able to have children anymore.  Day by day the desire grew and before long, having another baby was all I could think about. 

One night during our "snuggle time" after we put our sons to bed I got the courage to confess how I felt to Joseph.  "NO!  I don't want anymore kids.  I'm happy with the boys, we don't need anyone else.  No."  No? Did I hear you right no?!  You never tell me no!  Are you kidding me right now?!  Irritated, I hugged my husband, kissed him on the cheek, said I love you and rolled over and went to sleep.

Noooooooo, it was like a broken record in my head. No, no, no, no... God please, please do something.  Every couple of nights I'd bring it up and I'd get the same answer from him.  I began to pray that God would remove the desire for another child from my heart.  The more I prayed for the desire for another child to be removed from my heart, the stronger it got.  It got to the point that I could no longer attend baby showers, I would fall apart and weep, not exactly the type of guest you want at a baby shower.  And, wouldn't you know it, within my close group of friends and family members TEN of them were pregnant.  Everyone was having a baby...everyone but me.

Days, turned into months and Joseph's answer was always no.  I begged him to change his mind, teary and near hysterics at times and he always said no.  I began to slip into a depression.  How could the man that loved me so much cause me so much grief?!  He finally one night after months of the same conversation said in exasperation, "I'm not going to change my mind, I don't want any more kids!  It's not going to happen, now stop asking me."  I cried myself to sleep that night.

Several more months had passed, as I lay on the couch reading my Bible I began to doze off.  I was perfectly relaxed, and my quiet house became perfectly still.  God was about to move.  A peace came over me and I knew He was with me.  I could feel the warmth of His embrace, and He whispered to my soul "I am going to give you another child."  I smiled and thanked Him.  I was afraid to tell Joseph what had happened so I prayed that God would make a way for me to tell him.  I knew that I had to be patient and wait on the Lord to move.  I didn't want to take control of the situation and be out of God's time.  It was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do...I had to just let go and let God be God.  After all, it was going to take a miracle to change Joseph's mind.

A couple of weeks later, as we lay in bed talking Joseph said, "You know, I think we should look into adoption again."  I wanted to jump up and scream but I didn't.  A single tear rolled down my cheek and I said, "Why don't you pray about it tonight, sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow."  The next day I was afraid to ask, so very causally I said, "how'd you sleep?"  He smiled and said, "Yes, I still want to."  On February 10, 2010 we researched some adoption agencies.  February 11, 2010 we made contact with Olive Crest and by June 27, 2010 our home study had been approved. 

Now we are just waiting to be placed...the rest of this blog will deal with the up's and down's of our journey.