This week has been quite the eventful one...we got a call from our social worker, she asked if we would like to be considered for two little girls, a two year old and a one year old. I wanted to scream, "YES!!!!" But, instead, I calmly replied, "Let me run it by my husband first to see how he feels about two little girls. I'll call you back in a few minutes." I hung up the phone, said a quick prayer and called Joseph. In my calmest, sweetest voice I proceeded to ask how his day was so far. "Oh, Federal inspectors are there today? They only visit every five years! Wow, okay I'll pray for you guys....they are going to interview you on building codes? Oh, yeah?! Well, I'll make something special for dinner tonight to celebrate how well you're going to do. I know you'll great! Ok, well I know you're busy now so I'll let you go. Ok, Honey! Have an amazing rest of the day! I love you too!" I hung up the phone, ughhhhh, dang it! I didn't ask him, the truth is I already knew how Joseph felt about two, he didn't want two. He only wanted one more!
A second later Joseph called me back and asked if I needed something. "Well, actually yes, Lori called and asked if we would like to be considered for a two year old and a one year old. What do you think?" I hung up the phone very calmly even though wanted to scream...he said sure without any kind of hesitation. THANK YOU JESUS!
We're still waiting to hear from the placement worker of the two little girls to see if they would consider placing them in Southern California (they live in Sacramento). We're praying that if our family is the "Forever Family" God has in mind for the girls that there forever family is just around the corner and that they will have a home for the holidays.
I'd like to say that things are getting easier and that waiting doesn't stink anymore but it does! Some days are great while others are horrible! Today we went to a baby shower for a friend of my husband's. I cried on the way home...then I felt like a big jerk for not being happier for them. I mean, not that I'm not happy for them. It's just that baby showers have the ability to make me acutely aware of the fact that we are still waiting with no end date in mind. Oh yea, In God's Perfect Time! I get it God! : )
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Glimmer of Hope
On Wednesday, September 15th we had our first "Back to School Night" at Hemet High. I carefully prepared my classroom and my presentations for the night. I had been struggling for sometime with our adoption and not being placed yet. I think in general, I had just been a little down about the whole situation. Anyhow, I was presenting to my Yes I Can parents and mentioned to them that my husband and I are in the process of adoption. I heard an "aww" but didn't think much of it. After my presentation a parent came up to me and shared the adoption story of the student in my class (who happens to be really awesome). It was really nice to hear that there are happy endings... I went home feeling really positive and shared the story with Joseph.
Next day, on Thursday the social worker of a child that we were considering called me about "L" and we had to decline a match. It wasn't a no from them but rather a no from us. Hard none the less. I did cry a little and prayed that this young lady would find her "forever home."
Waiting, waiting, waiting, more patiently these days. I don't feel so stressed about the WHEN??!!
A good friend of mine and a woman who is super awesome in every way once told me, "Don't focus on the unknowns, instead focus on what you do know. God will never leave you or forsake you, He will always be with you, He is the Alpha and the Omega. He has good in store for you..." That is what I'm resting on.
Thanks Pastor Pam : )
Next day, on Thursday the social worker of a child that we were considering called me about "L" and we had to decline a match. It wasn't a no from them but rather a no from us. Hard none the less. I did cry a little and prayed that this young lady would find her "forever home."
Waiting, waiting, waiting, more patiently these days. I don't feel so stressed about the WHEN??!!
A good friend of mine and a woman who is super awesome in every way once told me, "Don't focus on the unknowns, instead focus on what you do know. God will never leave you or forsake you, He will always be with you, He is the Alpha and the Omega. He has good in store for you..." That is what I'm resting on.
Thanks Pastor Pam : )
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Waiting and still waiting
On Monday I e-mailed our social worker about a little girl that that we were interested in. She said that the little girl "N" had already been placed. I asked about the other two little girls we had requested information about last week and she said that they had been placed with someone else too. {sigh....} Really?!
I know, I know in God's perfect time.
I finally had a breakdown yesterday, after expressing my frustrations to our social workers supervisor. While I was supposed to be at a meeting for Back to School night, I sat in my office and sobbed. This isn't fun. I know it will be worth it, at least that's what we keep telling ourselves. Someday, right?
God's working on our patience and endurance I suppose someday when we get our daughter those are characteristics that we will need to raise a teenage girl.
This to shall pass.
I know, I know in God's perfect time.
I finally had a breakdown yesterday, after expressing my frustrations to our social workers supervisor. While I was supposed to be at a meeting for Back to School night, I sat in my office and sobbed. This isn't fun. I know it will be worth it, at least that's what we keep telling ourselves. Someday, right?
God's working on our patience and endurance I suppose someday when we get our daughter those are characteristics that we will need to raise a teenage girl.
This to shall pass.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Awesome!!! I'm so excited for her!!!! That's what I said today when my grandma shared that my cousin who is also growing her family through adoption was placed with a 14 day old little girl. I sound genuinely excited and begin to offer my assistance in planning a baby shower. A tear falls and I'm sure that my grandma thought that I was just a really sweet cousin....
What I really wanna do is sulk. I can't help but wonder if God is listening to my prayers. I mean He listens to His children doesn't He?! Everyone I know is praying, even the boys pray for their sister everyday. Every now and then they will ask "When is our sister going to come home?" "I don't know, boys hopefully soon," is my usual reply. Then I muster the best smile I can.
In His perfect time I say to myself, that somehow, doesn't make the pain of today go away. {sigh....} Off to my quiet place, to seek His refuge and recharge for tomorrow.
What I really wanna do is sulk. I can't help but wonder if God is listening to my prayers. I mean He listens to His children doesn't He?! Everyone I know is praying, even the boys pray for their sister everyday. Every now and then they will ask "When is our sister going to come home?" "I don't know, boys hopefully soon," is my usual reply. Then I muster the best smile I can.
In His perfect time I say to myself, that somehow, doesn't make the pain of today go away. {sigh....} Off to my quiet place, to seek His refuge and recharge for tomorrow.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
A little bit of background...
If you know my husband, you know how good he is to me. He is a loving husband and truly my best friend. He has been my sole support since we first started dating in 1995, when I was sixteen years old. For the last fifteen years he has been my whole world. He would truly do anything for me.
Three years ago, the desire to have another child began to rise up in me. I shrugged it off because neither of us are able to have children anymore. Day by day the desire grew and before long, having another baby was all I could think about.
One night during our "snuggle time" after we put our sons to bed I got the courage to confess how I felt to Joseph. "NO! I don't want anymore kids. I'm happy with the boys, we don't need anyone else. No." No? Did I hear you right no?! You never tell me no! Are you kidding me right now?! Irritated, I hugged my husband, kissed him on the cheek, said I love you and rolled over and went to sleep.
Noooooooo, it was like a broken record in my head. No, no, no, no... God please, please do something. Every couple of nights I'd bring it up and I'd get the same answer from him. I began to pray that God would remove the desire for another child from my heart. The more I prayed for the desire for another child to be removed from my heart, the stronger it got. It got to the point that I could no longer attend baby showers, I would fall apart and weep, not exactly the type of guest you want at a baby shower. And, wouldn't you know it, within my close group of friends and family members TEN of them were pregnant. Everyone was having a baby...everyone but me.
Days, turned into months and Joseph's answer was always no. I begged him to change his mind, teary and near hysterics at times and he always said no. I began to slip into a depression. How could the man that loved me so much cause me so much grief?! He finally one night after months of the same conversation said in exasperation, "I'm not going to change my mind, I don't want any more kids! It's not going to happen, now stop asking me." I cried myself to sleep that night.
Several more months had passed, as I lay on the couch reading my Bible I began to doze off. I was perfectly relaxed, and my quiet house became perfectly still. God was about to move. A peace came over me and I knew He was with me. I could feel the warmth of His embrace, and He whispered to my soul "I am going to give you another child." I smiled and thanked Him. I was afraid to tell Joseph what had happened so I prayed that God would make a way for me to tell him. I knew that I had to be patient and wait on the Lord to move. I didn't want to take control of the situation and be out of God's time. It was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do...I had to just let go and let God be God. After all, it was going to take a miracle to change Joseph's mind.
A couple of weeks later, as we lay in bed talking Joseph said, "You know, I think we should look into adoption again." I wanted to jump up and scream but I didn't. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I said, "Why don't you pray about it tonight, sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow." The next day I was afraid to ask, so very causally I said, "how'd you sleep?" He smiled and said, "Yes, I still want to." On February 10, 2010 we researched some adoption agencies. February 11, 2010 we made contact with Olive Crest and by June 27, 2010 our home study had been approved.
Now we are just waiting to be placed...the rest of this blog will deal with the up's and down's of our journey.
Three years ago, the desire to have another child began to rise up in me. I shrugged it off because neither of us are able to have children anymore. Day by day the desire grew and before long, having another baby was all I could think about.
One night during our "snuggle time" after we put our sons to bed I got the courage to confess how I felt to Joseph. "NO! I don't want anymore kids. I'm happy with the boys, we don't need anyone else. No." No? Did I hear you right no?! You never tell me no! Are you kidding me right now?! Irritated, I hugged my husband, kissed him on the cheek, said I love you and rolled over and went to sleep.
Noooooooo, it was like a broken record in my head. No, no, no, no... God please, please do something. Every couple of nights I'd bring it up and I'd get the same answer from him. I began to pray that God would remove the desire for another child from my heart. The more I prayed for the desire for another child to be removed from my heart, the stronger it got. It got to the point that I could no longer attend baby showers, I would fall apart and weep, not exactly the type of guest you want at a baby shower. And, wouldn't you know it, within my close group of friends and family members TEN of them were pregnant. Everyone was having a baby...everyone but me.
Days, turned into months and Joseph's answer was always no. I begged him to change his mind, teary and near hysterics at times and he always said no. I began to slip into a depression. How could the man that loved me so much cause me so much grief?! He finally one night after months of the same conversation said in exasperation, "I'm not going to change my mind, I don't want any more kids! It's not going to happen, now stop asking me." I cried myself to sleep that night.
Several more months had passed, as I lay on the couch reading my Bible I began to doze off. I was perfectly relaxed, and my quiet house became perfectly still. God was about to move. A peace came over me and I knew He was with me. I could feel the warmth of His embrace, and He whispered to my soul "I am going to give you another child." I smiled and thanked Him. I was afraid to tell Joseph what had happened so I prayed that God would make a way for me to tell him. I knew that I had to be patient and wait on the Lord to move. I didn't want to take control of the situation and be out of God's time. It was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do...I had to just let go and let God be God. After all, it was going to take a miracle to change Joseph's mind.
A couple of weeks later, as we lay in bed talking Joseph said, "You know, I think we should look into adoption again." I wanted to jump up and scream but I didn't. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I said, "Why don't you pray about it tonight, sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow." The next day I was afraid to ask, so very causally I said, "how'd you sleep?" He smiled and said, "Yes, I still want to." On February 10, 2010 we researched some adoption agencies. February 11, 2010 we made contact with Olive Crest and by June 27, 2010 our home study had been approved.
Now we are just waiting to be placed...the rest of this blog will deal with the up's and down's of our journey.
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